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WingZ · Site Admin Joined: 15 Aug 2008 Posts: 127

Following my oddball revival of Night Gallery, I decided to look to the past for yet another TV show. Clarissa Explains it All ran on Nickelodeon from 1991-1994. It starred a young Melissa Joan Hart (of Sabrina fame) as a normal teenage girl who copes with adolescent life and a slightly dull family (mom works in a museum, dad’s an architect, younger brother Ferguson is a scheming nerd). The show was successful due to its humorously truthful observation, the unique gimmick of having Clarissa’s friend Sam always enter through a window and the attractive personality (and body) of its star. Well, Melissa Joan Hart has moved onto bigger and better things and I’ve long since stopped watching Nickelodeon (thank God), but I thought it might be fun to revisit the past. In this episode, the sibling rivalry between Clarissa and Ferguson rages onward...

NOTE: For those of you not familiar with my work, I feel obliged to offer these words of caution. Read with an open mind. What I write is often profane, visually striking and twisted (though less so in this particular instance). If you cannot accept that, do not read. Please note I don’t endorse everything I write about. Thank you and enjoy.

Chapter 1
“Is not!”

“Is too!”

“Is not!”

“Clarissa! Ferguson! Cut it out!”

16 year old Clarissa Darling entered her room and slammed the door behind her, deafening the complaints from outside and removing her from the presence of her awful brother. She was clad in a tight striped shirt and an old pair of torn jeans...

Life can be so unfair sometimes. I mean, people blow up over the silliest things. Take today for example. This morning we were all gathered around the table eating breakfast like a normal family. Dad was reading the newspaper, mom was rambling on about some forthcoming family event and Ferguson was oddly quiet. I knew the reason why: it was his day to take out the trash, and he was going to try and get out of it. Fine. It would be fun to see what his excuse would be this time.

“Ferguson, could you please take out the trash,” mom asked. Here we go.

“I’d like to mom, but...you see... it could cause a reaction with the stuff I’ve been using with my skin and....”

Wow. That was far-fetched, even for my brainy brother. Too bad nobody’s gonna buy it.

“Ferguson...” my mom cautioned.

“That’s OK, dear,” my dad said from behind his newspaper. “Clarissa can take it out.”

“Hey! I took it out yesterday. He always does this.” Then, addressing my brother. “Excuse me, but taking out the garbage will not cause a reaction with your skin.”

“How would you know?” he replied arrogantly.

“Because you don’t even use the stuff,” I answered. “Look at your face; your breaking out.”

Both my mom and my dad stared at him. Busted! Anyway, we’ve been arguing all day and its really getting on my nerves.

A guitar riff is heard from seemingly nowhere.

“Problems?”

“Jeez, you scared me Sam.”

“Sorry.”

“No, just the usual. Arguing with my brother. How about you?”

“Nothing much...though I may be grounded.”

“What did you do now?”

“SAM ANDERS, GET YOUR BUTT BACK HERE!”

“Gotta go.... I’ll explain later.”

Sam, a brown haired blue-eyed boy the same age as Clarissa, descends down a ladder perched up against the side of the house. Clarissa glances at him fleetingly, and then returns to her thoughts.

I’m glad I only have one brother. Can you imagine what a whole family of Ferguson's would be like? Well, I’m going to grab a bite to eat...if I can make it down the stairs without another major argument.

Chapter 2
The next day, a Saturday. Clarissa is lying on her bed, glancing at a magazine. Ferguson enters, a red haired lad of almost 15. In his hand is a cookie, which he offers to Clarissa.

“Here you go.”

“Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it, sis.”

This is weird. He’s been acting very nice lately. I don’t get it. I think he’s up to something, but I don’t know what. I’ll get to the bottom of it.... but in the meantime, I’ll enjoy the service.

That evening.
Well.... here we are. One full day without arguing with Ferguson. In fact, he’s been really nice lately, getting me things to eat and drink. I’m starting to think he’s had a change of heart. Nah! Anyway, Sam’s grounded for awhile. Turns out he tried taking his dad’s car out for a spin and backed into something he shouldn’t have. Ouch! Well.... we’ll see what tomorrow brings. Good night.

Chapter 3
Clarissa is sitting up in bed, dressed in a short nightgown. She is clutching a pillow and crying.

I don’t believe this! For the first time in....well, ever, I wet my bed. I went to bed without even having to pee and I woke up in the middle of Lake Michigan. The worst part wasn’t even that I wet my bed, it is how everyone’ been dealing with it. Some parents would throw a fit, others wouldn’t care. But not mine. They asked me if there was anything wrong and tried talking to me like I’m some kind of baby. Nice to know they care, but no thanks. And Ferguson has been walking around with this dumb grin all morning. I hope things get better.

Clarissa rushed into her room and shuts the door. She then walks into the corner and kneels down. Her hands fall defensively over her face. Instead of crying, she takes a shoe and flings it at the wall.

OK, what the hell is going on here? I was watching a little TV when all of the sudden I had to pee. I got up to use the bathroom, but before I take two steps, it rushes out of me. Luckily, I was able to get in here before anybody saw. I’ll just slip out of these jeans and hope nobody notices anything amiss. It’s starting to bother me though. Did I accidentally contract some weird disease that causes people to pee for no reason? Maybe it’ll be gone by tomorrow.

Chapter 4
“Really, its nothing.”

“Clarissa, if you have a problem you should see a doctor about it.”

“Dad?”

“No, your mom’s right. There could be something going around.”

See, maybe I was right.

“Or maybe it was something you ate,” Ferguson piped in. One look from my parents and he went elsewhere.

“Janet...have you ever?”

“No, Marshall, I haven’t,” mom replied. “We’ll stop at the doctor's at 4.”

I quietly retreated to my room. Upon seeing Ferguson glancing at me in passing, I called him a dork and stormed away. I couldn’t deal with his ugly face just now.

This has been the worst weekend ever! I wet the bed.... again. I tried to hide it this time, but Ferguson told mom and dad. He’s enjoying this a bit too much. I swear, if I didn’t know better I’d say he caused it. I should probably stop complaining. Sam’s grounded and in a lot worse trouble then me. Besides, I’ll go to the doctor's later. He’ll probably tell me it’s some minor thing and that I’ll be fine in a day or two. Thank God!

Clarissa is sitting down by her computer playing a game of some sort. She abruptly shuts the computer off and stands up. She is wearing a skirt and a white button down shirt that reveals just a bit of cleavage.

Well, I might as well tell you what happened. I went to the doctor’s and he couldn’t find anything wrong with me. He said that it could be stress though. Well duh, I’m a teenager; I’m always stressed. Anyway, he recommended I take it easy and find some sort of ‘protection’ for my bed and clothes.

She flips up her skirt to reveal that she is wearing a bulky white disposable diaper.

Hey, it could be worse. At least Ferguson will leave me alone now. He’ll have to. After all, I’m ‘stressed.’ My parents said I should wear my...cough.... protection until this thing passes over. Thank God its Spring Break, I would die if I had to wear a diaper to school.

Evening. Clarissa’s parents enter her room.

“Are you sure your going to be OK?”

“Yes...no....I dunno.”

“Why don’t you tomorrow to rest a bit?” dad suggested.

I nodded; that sounded like a very good idea to me.

“Now Clarissa,” my mom said. Oh great!

“I’m fine, mom.”

“Let me just check.... it would be bad if it leaked.”

Disgusted expression on her face, Clarissa lifts up her nightgown revealing her diaper. Her mom puts her hands on Clarissa’s waist and makes a few adjustments. Satisfied, she flashes a warm smile and pats Clarissa on the butt.

“Good night, Clarissa,” said dad.

They both exited.

Ok.... here goes. Mom and dad just got a call from some old friends of theirs. Turns out they were invited on a fishing trip. Joy for them, I’m beaming with envy. Sorry if the thought of sitting on some old boat in the middle of the blazing sun listening to my parents reminisce doesn’t appeal to me. And I’d be wearing a diaper to boot. So instead what I think I’ll do is stay in bed. I expected Ferguson to put up a big fuss about not being able to go, but he was relatively quiet. Whatever he was thinking he had better stay out of my way. Sigh...good night.

Chapter 5
“Clarissa,” called a voice. “Oh Clarissa dear, do wake up.”

She rubbed her eyes then opened them to see Ferguson looming over her.

“Huh? What are you doing here? Better yet, what time is it?”

“It’s 10:00. You’ve been asleep quite awhile.”

“Yeah, and I’d like to continue. The door’s that way dork.”

“Mom and dad told me that you might be sick and that I should take care of you.”

“Well your concern in appreciated, but I’d really like to sleep.”

“You really should eat something first.”

Before she could protest, he pulled out a Nutragrain bar and stuffed in her mouth. She slowly munched on it, glance contemptuously at that wicked smile on his face.

“Bye the way,” he said with a tone of superiority. “You may want to change out of that wet diaper.”

She blushed and pointed to the door. Ferguson got up and left.

OK, what the hell was that? Never mind...too tired.... back to sleep.

Clarissa groggily awoke to a state of utter bewilderment. She was clad in a short white tank top, a diaper, and long white socks that extended up to her knees. A pacifier was sticking out of her mouth and she was lying on her back clutching a stuffed animal. As she glanced around the room, she saw the telltale chemistry set and chess board. Ferguson sat at his computer typing God knows what.

Very slowly, she sat up, her diaper crinkling loudly. Eyeing Ferguson with intense hatred, she pulled the pacifier out of her mouth and said.

“What the hell is going on?”

Ferguson turned around and gave me a nonchalant glance.

“Did baby have a nice nap?”

“Ha ha ha,” I mimicked, feeling rather pissed off. I was sick and tired and in no mood for this. “Now tell me: what did you do?”

“Well,” he said, that awful grin that just made me want to kick him spreading across his face. “Your diaper was leaking so I took it upon myself to change you....”

“You...changed me?!” I couldn’t believe my brother had changed my wet diaper. That meant he had seen me naked. Ew! I could feel the hatred rise up in me. I was going to kill him. Mom and dad would come back and ask me what happened and I’d tell them the truth.... Ferguson decided to run away to Canada to work on some secret science project for the Canadian government. Yeah, that was good. They would buy that. They would have to.

“I really wish you wouldn’t yell,” he said in his officious voice.

“Oh, I’m about to do a whole lot more then yell!”

“I think not,” he said, holding up a photo. I snatched it from his hand and looked at him with disbelief. There was me sucking my thumb and wearing nothing but a wet diaper. While I was still stunned, he snatched it back.

“Naturally, I wouldn’t photograph you naked,” he said. “That would construe pornography. However, did you really think I would pass an opportunity like this up?”

“Your dead, dork!” I said and punched on him. He hid the photo behind his back right before he hit the floor. We rolled on the floor fighting for awhile. It must have looked pretty stupid: a teenage girl wearing a diaper fighting with her also teenaged brother. “Give me that picture!” I was still stronger then him and could easily have made him give it up. However, I wasn’t quite myself. I felt...weaker somehow.

I continued to grasp futily at the picture. He got up off the floor and brushed himself off. I.... I couldn’t get up. My mind said go, but my body stayed. I dove at his feet one last time, fell backward flat on my bottom and wet my diaper. On the verge of tears, I looked up at him gloating.

“Now, sis, you are going to want to listen,” he said. “If you haven’t been able to guess by now, your sudden illness and lack of bladder control is largely due to me. I have been supplementing your food with chemicals that induce urination and increase fatigue. It worked well enough to get you into diapers, where you truly belong.”

“Wha...why?”

“Oh please, don’t make me spell everything out,” he said insulted. “It is quite unfair that I’m younger then you. I am, after all, far more intelligent and sophisticated. It is even more unfair how you hog all the attention and I am constantly overlooked. I will now take my proper place on the hierarchy...for the time being at least.”

“What does that mean?” I asked, tears streaming down my cheeks.

“Mom and dad will be gone all day and probably part of tomorrow. During that time, you will remain a baby. You will wear diapers, drink from a bottle and do anything else that I tell you. If you do not comply.... this photo will be distributed to all your friends.”

“Ferguson, come on,” I pleaded. “This is crazy. I know we fight sometimes, but....”

“Yes, it is crazy,” he said. “Freakishly crazy. Isn’t that how you refer to me to all your friends? As your freak brother?”

“I...”

“Speaking of your friends, I bet they’d love to see this. Especially Sam. I wonder what he would say if....”

“You little...” I reached for him, but my arm fell weakly to its side. It was hopeless.

“Now then...you've been a bad baby, causing trouble for me. I think you need a punishment.”

I laughed. I couldn’t help it. The thought of him punishing me was too funny. He didn't find it funny and grimaced. Ferguson reached over and yanked me up by the hair.

“Ow!”

He put a pacifier in my mouth and warned me not to take it out. Fortunately, no matter what you did to provoke him, my brother wasn’t the violent type. Twisted yes, violent no. I'm glad too, because a spanking from him would have been too much. Whimpering through my pacifier, Ferguson led me out of his room and into the bathroom.

Chapter 6
“In the tub,” he said.

I gave him a cursory confused glance and got in. He got in after me and pulled back my diaper, exposing my bare butt. A menacing glance in his eye, he grabbed the shower nozzle. I cringed.

“That is what will happen to you if this house is not clean in 3 hours.”

I spat the pacifier out.

“3 hours? You can’t be serious.”

“Oh, I am. It’s not that hard really.... you don't even have to do my room, the attic or the garage.”

“Oh gee, thanks a lot.”

“You know, babies aren’t supposed to talk.”

“Bite me.”

“Hmmm....no thank you,” he said snapping the pacifier back into my mouth. “But what I will do is give you a little incentive.” He poured cold water into my diaper, and I leaped. “Bye the way, you will not be changed until you are finished. So get moving.”

I shot him a hateful glance and started cleaning the house. At least, I tried to. He kept interrupting me and distracting me and asking me to bring him things like I was his servant. Well...technically I was. For now anyways. He even threatened to mess up my entire room if I didn’t hurry. The water in my diaper made it very uncomfortable and I was getting frustrated. Sigh. I wish this would end. Then at least it would turn into one of those embarrassing memories I can forget about and bring up later to get a laugh out of people.

Chapter 7
Well...I finished cleaning. That was no easy task, but getting my diaper changed was even harder. I had to practically beg Ferguson...no wait, I did have to beg. He made me get on my knees and say, “Please change me, I am wet.” Like he couldn’t see that for himself.

Actually, being changed by my brother wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. He was very gentle in cleaning me with a wipe and made sure I was nice and dry and powdered before putting another diaper on me. It felt almost kinda good.

“Go ahead, take a break,” he said. He was obviously in high spirits and that mad me all the more mad. “The rules still apply of course.” I nodded. Yeah, the rules still applied as long as he had that damn photo.

He sat down on his bed and I sat down on the floor and then a funny thing happened. He actually started talking to me. Not criticizing me or yelling at me, but talking to me. He asked me if I was feeling OK and stuff. It was weird. I seriously think Ferguson would have turned out OK if he had a younger brother or sister. It would have been good for me too: another sibling to boss around. Ferguson asked me if I wanted anything to drink and I nodded. I didn’t care what he put in it anymore, all that work made me thirsty. He returned with a bottle of milk and I drank it down. It had a relaxing effect on me.

“By the way,” he said as an afterthought. “Sam’s parents are away too. He said he might be stopping over here later.”

I jerked upright. “What?!”

“I believe you heard me the 1st time.”

“Look...you have to end this.”

“Actually, I don’t have to do anything.”

“You...” I started getting angry, then a feeling of tiredness swept over me. A strange thought passed through my mind and I smiled.

“What could you possibly be smiling about?” he asked with an air of disdain.

“I still remember when you were in diapers for real,” I said gleefully.

He gave me a dirty look.

“Sam is going to have quite a pleasant surprise.”

The thought of my best friends seeing me like this terrified me, but there was nothing I could do. I shouldn’t have drunken that milk...

Chapter 8
“So what’s this surprise you wanted to show me?”

“Oh.... you’ll see. Clarissa’s just dying to show you.”

Clarissa’s eyes fluttered open. She heard the sound of footsteps coming up the stairs. A state of fear overtook her and her eyes widened. She was sitting in her brother’s room wearing a diaper when Sam and Ferguson entered.

Sam’s jaw dropped. “Wha...”

“She was being a very bad girl, wetting herself and such,” Ferguson said with a wide smile. “Believe me, it was entirely necessary.”

“Clarissa? Is this true?”

I took one look at my friend, then at my brother then I just lost it. Tears poured out of my eyes and I said “yes” in a small voice. It was horrible!

“Could you leave us alone for a sec?” Sam asked.

Ferguson obliged, shutting the door behind us. Sam walked over and put his arm on me.

“Don’t...” I said weakly. I didn’t want him to pity me, but he did anyway.

“It’s OK,” he said, comforting me. “We all have accidents.”

“This wasn’t an accident,” I tried to explain.

“What do you mean?”

“Ferguson and his damn chemicals! He’s been making me do this.”

I saw Sam get very angry.

“Don’t do anything to him,” I said. “If he tells mom and dad, I’m in even more trouble.”
He paced the room as I calmed myself. My best friend had seen me in diapers and it hadn’t been that bad. I still wanted desperately to get out of the situation as fast as I could though.

“I’ve got an idea,” Sam said. He picked me up and carried me to my room, where he lay me down on my bed. I felt like a rag doll. It never occurred to me that Sam was all that strong. Guess climbing that stupid ladder all the time builds up the ole arm muscles, huh?

“What’s your idea?” I asked.

“You know, you look really cute in that diaper.”

“Come on. Stop playing and tell me.”

“OK,” he said. Then, added, “But you really do.”

“Thanks,” I said, blushing. “Now what’s your plan.”

He whispered it in my ear, and I nodded in agreement. I even managed to giggle despite the bad circumstances.

Chapter 9
I put my thumb and my mouth and sucked on it. My eyes fell closed and I pretended to be asleep. Ferguson entered a short while later and I listened intently.

“She’s taking a nap,” Sam said to him quietly.

“I see,” he said, delighted in the control he had over me.

“Man, poor Clarissa. It’s like she turned into a total baby overnight.”

“Something like that.”

I restrained my urge to jump out of the bed and hit him. Besides, I still was awfully tired.

“I wonder how it happened. You’re a smart guy? What do you think?”

Ferguson was at a loss of words for a moment.

“I guess one can attribute it to growing levels of stress.”

“Right, stress. So your parents must seem pretty mad about this?”

“Actually.... no. They’re being very nice to her.”

“I’m glad I’m an only child,” Sam said, playing up his part perfectly.

“Why is that?”

“Because being an older sibling is tough. Probably not for Clarissa because you guys are so close in age, but if you have a baby brother or sister you have to take care of them all the time. Babies can be a pain. They always need to be fed or changed. They require a lot of attention, and if they don’t get their way, they cry their eyes out...”

“What have I done?” Ferguson cried.

“What do you mean?” Sam asked naively.

“It was me who made her like this! All me! It was supposed to be to my advantage, you see, to get Clarissa out of the way and make me the oldest sibling. But now it backfired. I can’t blame her for anything anymore because she’s a baby. All the positive attention will be focused on her and all the reprimanding will go to me!”

I sat up in bed and glanced at Ferguson just in time to see his jaw drop as Sam pulled out a tape recorder from his pocket. “I almost forgot,” he said, turning to me. “This is what I came over here to show you. My parents felt like they overreacted with the car thing, so they bought me this to make up for it.”

“It’s very nice,” I answered. Then, sneering at Ferguson. “Busted!”

His face was white as the diaper I had on.

Chapter 10
Clarissa is in her room flipping through a photo album. She is wearing a long white t-shirt and seems content.

It’s funny how things never turn out the way you expect them to. Take my weekend, for instance. Within the period of a few days, I was transformed from teenager to baby and back again. It was really bad at first, but it made me wonder what it was like when I actually was a baby. So I decided to look through some of these photos from when I was young, and in all of them I’m smiling.

There were about a trillion mean things I could have done to Ferguson, but I didn’t do any of them. In exchange for erasing the tape, I made him promise to do his chores and mine for the rest of the week, to which he agreed. Hey, he’s not dumb after all. I asked him about the stuff he was using on me and said it would be entirely out of my system in a week. Actually, that’s not so bad. It’s Spring Break! Besides, he’s my brother.... I shouldn’t stay mad at him.

Mom and Dad are coming home tomorrow and both of us agreed not to tell them anything. They’d probably freak if they knew anyway. As for Sam....he’s been really cool about this so far. He stayed with me for most of the day and he even changed my diaper (even though I told him about a zillion times I could do it myself.). It wasn’t so bad.

Oh.... I almost forgot. Since I’m stuck in diapers for the whole week, I decided Ferguson should have a taste of his own medicine. He came in here a few minutes age and I diapered him. He wasn’t too happy about it, but he has a whole week to get used to it. The best part is that he can’t complain to anyone about it because he doesn't want anyone to know. He he.

Yawn! It’s getting late. I have a feeling I’m going to wake up wet by morning.

She replaces the photo album on a shelf and climbs into bed. Her t-shirt rides up revealing her diaper. She instinctively clutched a stuffed animal and put her thumb in her mouth.

I know what you’re thinking, this is weird. But some habits die hard and some things can’t be explained. Take some TV shows for instance. They’ll have these massive catastrophes every episode that are all wrapped up nice and neat by the end. Nothing like that ever happens in the real world. But hey, that life. Good night.